September is one of my most favourite months of the year and I feel it's a good time to reflect. The change of the season is palpable - with the nights getting longer and the sun rise happening just a little later every day. With the autumn equinox on the 23rd of September (in the UK) the shift in season is clearly marked. At this particular moment, the sun crosses the celestial equator; and the Earth's rotational axis is neither tilted away from nor towards the sun. For me, it's a moment of stillness and contemplation, especially given the tumultuous energies during 2018 and especially during the last three months.
Reflecting on the year so far, I've been very interested in the more widely observed patterns and the collective energy. What is emerging across the board? What are the energies that are moving through us? Words that have sprung to mind and have been reflected back to me by various people are: re-calibration, reset, reboot, major shifts. I feel that there is a deep dismantling of the old, especially long-term relationships, both intimate and business, including organisations and communities. For myself, I have had two major changes this year - related to my training as a body psychotherapist and to business - and in both instances, it was out of my hands and I was presented with the changes; i.e. it was out of my control and that is not an easy place for me to be in. My task has been to feel all there is to feel with regards to the changes, such as the hurt, grief, anger and betrayal, but staying away from blaming, including blaming myself, or needing to do something about it. My intent throughout this quite difficult time has been to stay vulnerable, to stay open and to trust the process - that out of the chaos and the dismantling something beautiful and very different can emerge, which would not have been possible in the old structures. It's also a great opportunity for healing the deeper places inside of me and to invite different energies into my life, such as lightness, space and excitement. If you are also in the midst of some fundamental and what might seem very destructive changes, trust the process. Trust that we are exactly where we meant to be and that the dismantling and collapsing of our lives and relationships is part of the process of creating something new, exciting and beautiful - with more vibrancy.
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It's easy for me to focus on my shortcomings and get all dragged down, because I'm not perfect: not the perfect business owner, not the perfect wife, not the perfect therapist, not the perfect yoga teacher, not the perfect daughter and sister. When things are on top of me and there is little room to breathe, it's easy to just give up and to give in to my own inner critics and the voices outside that are critical of what I'm doing. In one of those moments, I was reminded how much courage it takes to live and that it is that courage that counts in the end. I find this speech by Roosevelt incredibly inspiring and hopeful: "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." This month I'd like to share something a yoga teacher colleague of mine (Dr. Alison Clancy) has written and I find very inspirational. She answers the question of why she practices yoga: "I practice yoga to help myself heal, to soften the harsh and often unforgiving internal dialogue, to empower myself and to experience the very best of who I can become. Yoga encourages me to develop an innate sense of curiosity with what I am attached and adverse to and challenges me to change towards becoming more respectful towards myself. Personal boundaries are laid down during the practice, and when I practice the art of yoga for myself, I begin to self-validate, resulting in an unravelling of my sense of disempowerment, as I no longer wait for or need the validation of others". So, let each of us make a silent self-pledge to come to yoga not to achieve, but to simply allow a natural process towards self-actualisation to gently unfurl before us. Then perhaps a perceived abject life can be potentially transformed, if and when we simply allow the practice to lead."
Let the process unfurl and open up to the journey. Walk in beauty Sandra One of my most favourite quotes is about the paradox of trying so hard to stay afloat that we drown and the moment that we let go of struggling, we actually float: "To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float." This quote for me is about trusting that life unfolds the way it needs to and at exactly the right speed. It's about trusting - even though life can be painful and confusing at times - that I'm exactly in the place where I meant to be. It does not mean for me that I don't have agency or that I don't have any power at all, but it does mean to me that I'm not entirely in control of life and the way it evolves. I do the best I can do and then trust the process and the unfurling of my journey.
Walk in beauty and with trust. I feel that 2018 has been a year of changes and transitions of a significant nature. It's not just about the day to day changes, but changes that are more fundamental. During the Mentorship Programme I taught in Vienna in May, one of the participants brought the following poem by Hermann Hesse, which touched me deeply and helped me to understand the importance of being able to say good-bye in a way that has integrity. As every blossom fades I used to be and to a certain degree still am a person who likes education and likes to continuously evolve and learn more. I have two university degrees, I have done three different yoga foundation trainings, a body psychotherapy training, numerous continuous education courses, massage programmes, reiki, etc. Even listing all those trainings makes me feel exhausted.
One of the questions that arose during my body psychotherapy training was "What is enough? What does that feel like? What if I have already arrived instead of needing to be somewhere else?". During the last three years my focus has been on allowing myself to arrive, i.e. being where I am instead of needing to improve myself or to be somehow better. My intent has been to move from that place, so that whatever else I'm learning or whatever training I'm doing is out of curiosity and joy rather than out of an urge and desperate need to be somehow different or be somewhere different. It's about letting go fully into the moment. I invite you to explore what it feels to you to fully arrive. Arrive in beauty. I went skiing over Christmas and New Year with my family. My parents generously paid for a private session for my husband, but on the day, he did not feel up to it; he definitely has a bit of a love/hate relationship to this somewhat unnatural activity. I decided to take the lesson myself and just loved it. However, it was interesting to see that my patterns not only show up in general life and while I'm doing yoga, but also in my skiing!
The instructor said to me: "Sandra, let the snow take you somewhere. You are cutting the corners short." What the instructor meant was that I needed to go with the snow and allow myself to be taken somewhere rather than forcing my skis into a certain position in order to control where I'm going. He wanted me to work with the snow, not against it. I know this lesson; it's not something new, but it is incredible to think that a skiing instructor, who I had known for less than hour, picked up on my deep-rooted patterns just like that! What I took away from it: Allowing myself to be taken somewhere by life - maybe even somewhere new - instead of needing to plan and control everything and thereby getting incredibly exhausted. This does not negate my sense of agency and the power of my influence and self-determination. It reminds me, however, that life is a co-creation and not a solo act. Let the snow take you somewhere and notice how that feels. Walk and maybe even ski in beauty. Even though I'm, of course, always in flux, I've been in a state of distinct re-orientation since summer of last year when I apprenticed the Forrest Yoga Foundation and Advanced Training. Afterwards, I was authorised by Ana to teach these programmes without her, but together with another guardian. There is only one other person in Europe who is authorised to deliver trainings at this level.
I had the clear feeling that I had reached a level where I wanted to be and where there were a lot of options. However, I have been unsure where to turn to next. Therefore, I've made a conscious decision to look at events and partnerships from a much more energetic, feeling and also heart place. Does the energy flow or is there an incredible number of obstacles coming my way? Of course, the question is always: Is it a test or a sign, i.e. is it about overcoming the obstacles or is it a sign that I need to be somewhere else? Since I've been developing a more feminine approach to life, I've stopped pushing so hard and have been following the energy where it flows more organically, which is something that does not come natural to me. I have been reminding myself to trust the process, that I'm exactly where I need to be and to keep my heart open and soft. My task has been to tolerate space when I have created it - instead of needing to fill it immediately when it opens up. I encourage you to sit with the uncertainty and the unknown as we truly don't know how our process will unfold. Trust that things are in the right place unfolding at the right pace. One of the aspects I've always been drawn to in Forrest Yoga is the premise that asana is an expression of the individual in any particular moment in time. It's not about putting the body into shape, but rather shaping the pose around the body, so that the pose can serve the person. Lasting transformation is a movement from the inside outside rather than trying to trim the body, mind or spirit into a certain shape, so they can fit a form we somehow believe is the right one.
Outside the yoga room the feeling that our bodies are not perfect or fitting the ideal is definitely prevalent and is causing a lot of harm. We can be swept away so easily with the belief that we are not thin enough, athletic enough, muscular enough, lean enough and that our bellies are not flat enough. It then taints everything we do. In those moments, it's useful to remind ourselves that our body is an expression of who we are and that it's incredibly unhelpful to try and fit it into a shape it should not be. Rather, I'd love for all of us to celebrate our body, mind, psyche and spirit just the way they are and the way they are changing with age, season, moon cycles, etc. Celebrate who you are unashamedly! Every summer for the past five years, I've been going to Saeter, a small village in Sweden, where I've been teaching five-day retreats together with my friend and colleague Helena Atkinson. Helena is not only a yoga teacher, but also a linguist with a keen interest in literature. This year we've combined Forrest Yoga and "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland". I enjoyed taking the themes from Alice and bringing them into Forrest Yoga. We picked several intents, but one quote really stayed with me. It's the following:
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.' 'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice. 'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.' Through my work as a teacher and therapist I often see that people isolate themselves, because they feel that they are alone in their issues. Frequently, there is a believe that everybody else has sorted their stuff out and that there is something wrong with oneself. However, coming back to the Cheshire Cat, we all carry our madness. We all have our problems and work on our process. It's good to know that we are not alone and there is a community of mad people where we can be heard, seen and supported. Walk in beauty and in your madness! |
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