In Yoga, we often cue to let go and release, to soften and to surrender. Even though, I feel that this is an important part of regaining balance in the body and life, it’s only part of the work and on its own only very limited in its effectiveness. The other part of the work is encouraging muscles that have lost their ability to hold onto energy, i.e. hypo-responsive muscles, to regain that skill and to thereby become fuller and more present. The muscles that are overworking, hyper-responsive muscles, benefit from letting go. However, hypo-responsive muscles have moved into a more collapsed state that does not benefit from releasing, as there is nothing to be released. The protection in those muscles is a distancing vs. a holding on. Inviting hypo-responsive muscles to soften encourages them to further move into collapse, i.e. further away from balance.
 
Those parts of ourselves that have gone away need kind encouragement to return. Working with dosage is a key aspect in the work. Gently inviting more aliveness to increase the capacity for holding onto energy is crucial.
 
The question is: What is missing? What is not present? And then to listen to the silent voices within.
 
I’d love to hear your reflections on your missing parts and the areas in the body that tend to go away.

The definition of chaos according to the online Cambridge dictionary is: “a state of total confusion with no order”. For me, this currently describes very accurately the state of the world externally as well as our internal landscapes. The state of our environment including the current heat wave, our economy with rising energy prices and inflation, the turbulences in politics, the war in Ukraine, the pandemic, including effects not only on our mental and physical health, but also on our health system and job market have all contributed to a sense of chaos, i.e. a lack of solidity and structure, where seemingly one random event is followed by another. One moment, we’re in lock down, the next we’re concerned about supplies of building materials, the next we’re shocked by Russia invading the Ukraine, which is followed by travel chaos and melting runways, railways and roads.
 
In myself and in my clients, I have noticed a lack of orientation and a feeling of free fall. With little certainty, we then seek structure and control. However, I feel that everything is in flux, everything is moving and there is little that this is certain and we can hold onto.
 
Yet, there is opportunity in chaos, too. Instead of holding onto what is, maybe this is the time to re-order and re-balance, but not in a controlling way. This might be the right time to consider our overall vision for our lives from an alignment point of view and to ask the following questions: What is important to us and what are our priorities? What do we want our lives to feel and look like? What is emerging right now?

​One of the approaches I take as a yoga teacher and also psychotherapist is to pay attention to what is coming up. I follow what is emerging in the energetic field and my intent is to bring curiosity, acceptance and neutrality to it. It’s a very organic method of working led by the process vs. me trying to take control and direct things in a certain way, which is definitely a go to place of mine. I like certainty and I like to know where I’m heading. Yoga and Body Psychotherapy have taught and continue to teach me to stand in an empty room and wait. Instead of wanting to make things happen or having a pre-conceived idea where life takes me, I’m working on allowing the process to move through as it needs to. My intent is to hold space for the people I work with in exactly that way. And as my therapist used to say: It takes a lot of courage and nerve to stand in an empty room. It’s about creating space, not filling it back up and then waiting what is coming to the surface. In the current times with all the uncertainty, I feel this is more relevant than ever. 
 
What happens when you stand in an empty space? What are your go to places? What happens when there is space in your life?  

Sometimes a week or days can be summarised by or explored through one word. For this and last week, this word has been "discernment" for me. It has come up for me in a session with my supervisor, who has trained in and taught a psychotherapeutic tradition that is based on Buddhism. One of the definition of discernment (not in the Buddhist sense, but in the broader sense) is "the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure" (Merriam Webster Dictionary). Other definitions include words like insight and being able to judge well and accurately. A lot of the work I have been doing is about understanding what is my real and authentic self and where am I stuck in my patterns. Sometimes being triggered, or in transference, can feel like reality. However, I know that when I take my time and importantly slow down, I can distinguish, i.e. discern, between my defences and coping mechanism and my real self, i.e. between what is the immediate and real experience and what I have fallen into, unconsciously.  
 
For me personally, when I'm in my pattern, there is a sense of urgency to do something, a feeling of not wanting to be with what is emerging and a desire to discharge the overwhelming emotions. This is often accompanied with a lack of grounding and thoughts that are in a constant loop. On the other hand, when I'm in contact with my authentic self and what is truly emerging within me vs. the secondary more interpretative energies that are often layered on top, I'm more centred, more grounded and slower. I am in contact with my centre and with what is real.
 
The art is to discern: what is real and what is made up; what is coming from the core and what is story.
 
Walk in beauty.
 
Sandra

​Words and concepts that have been coming up over the last couple of week are: balance, paradox, juxtaposition, polar opposites, integration and abandonment. They are all qualities of the fourth chakra, the heart chakra, which is the middle point and the centre of the chakra system. Interestingly, on a physical level this chakra includes the heart and the lungs. According to Anodea Judith (Eastern Body, Western Mind), in the heart chakra we continue our individuation, i.e. our journey of finding ourselves and becoming who we are, by developing balance of the inner female and male, anima and animus. This is less about gender than about opposites forces that are residing in each of us. We all carry paradoxes: On the one hand we might want to really come out of the lock down, on the other hand, we might be scared of and tread it. Instead of needing to choose one over the other, Anodea Judith suggests that "the more we allow one kind of energy, the more the other can come through". It's not about either looking forward to OR being scared of it, it's about looking forward to AND being scared of it at the same time. Both are true and the work is to make room for the paradox, in that sense widening our identity and not abandoning parts of ourselves.
 
Thank you all who contributed to these reflections.
 
We hope that yoga enables you to expand and contain seemingly opposing aspects of yourself. Here is a free recording - thanks to Janet's generosity.  

Since I have finished my personal psychotherapy sessions, my relationship to my two supervisors has become increasingly important. Regular supervision helps me to reflect about the work with my clients, but also about my own personal process and how I'm touched by my clients and what they stir up within me and mirror back to me. Unlike common belief that supervision is about the client, it's really about the teacher or therapist and their own process.
 
A couple of weeks ago, I felt ungrounded, overwhelmed and definitely not in my body. I felt that I was "failing" my clients and that I was not sure about what I was actually doing as a mentor and therapist. I had a session with my supervisor and I was asking him how I can "tackle the problems" some of my clients were experiencing. I was in the space of needing to find another "solution" for the problems that have been reoccurring - and I needed that solution fast. Metaphorically, my supervisor held up a pin and popped the balloon of busyness with a simple question: "So, there is somewhere to get to, Sandra?". In that moment I realised that I had fallen into the trap of needing to get somewhere and especially fast. I completely forgot that we are already here and that the only moment we have available is the present moment. By frantically trying to find a solution, I had also sent the subtle message to my clients that they need to be different to how they are right now. The fact is: they are whole human beings who simply disconnected from whom they truly are. I felt immediately lighter, more at ease and more embodied.
 
I feel that this approach is so beautifully summarised by Beisser (1970) in his article "The Paradoxical Theory of Change":
 
"Change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not. Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is-to be fully invested in his current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible".
 
Be who you are fully and have your own back.
Walk in beauty.

The title "Under Construction" has been inspired by one of the people I work with.
 
One emerging theme I have been observing - within myself and my clients - has been the one of things being constructed, deconstructed and reconstructed at foundation level. In other words the process of being under construction has surfaced. This in turn has created a feeling of being uprooted, not fully grounded, and shaken up. Within that, there has been a sense of persistency, a feeling that everything has been intensified or in the words of one of my clients "magnified". Emotions are heightened and interactions are at times explosive. Relationships, communities and organisations have been tested, destroyed, solidified, re-defined and re-evaluated. Physical building structures and objects have been broken, deconstructed, rebuild, replaced and repaired.
 
Even though my personal intent is to stay present with at times a painful turmoil and an intense phase of structural change, my curiosity and excitement are also with the possibilities and openings that are being created through this foundational shift.
 
In the words of my supervisor: "What needs to be left behind and what needs to be brought forward?" What do we need to let go of and what is worth pursuing and fighting for, so we can bring it with us?
 
Walk in beauty,
Sandra  ​

Last weekend I taught a three day continuous education programme for yoga teachers. One of the emerging statements, which had a lot of gravity, was: "the middle is difficult".  
 
Throughout this week I have been feeling that this is so true for many people including myself. It's easy to move one way or another. The middle ground is so much more difficult, since it requires feeling into the body a lot more. Going to one extreme or another does not require sensing into the body; these responses are often more habitual and guided by our head and ultimately seeking some sense of control. Being German I like things to be neat, black and white and generally I enjoy order. It's however in the less defined areas, in the grey ones where we can find the most growth and a lot of creativity - and most importantly a sense of contentment and equilibrium.
 
Hang out in the beautiful middle!
Sandra  ​

I've been observing over the past two to three weeks what's been moving within me and also within the people I've been working with and the theme of being in "limbo" has emerged. It's the strange "in-between" state where we leave the old behind and are about to embark on the new, but have not quite taken the steps yet for whatever reason. Someone else described it as "being on the edge" with the sense of uncertainty around where we are heading and whether we'd like to move forward or not. Often previously dealt with patterns come up strongly and try to call us back. Very old challenges might surface and there is a sense that we've taken multiple steps backwards. Frequently it is in the moment we feel the most lost that we are about to enter the new and a huge shift is going to happen.
 
My personal challenge has been to hang out in the state of limbo trusting the process and knowing that something big is going to move.
 
Walk in beauty
Sandra​

As we are transitioning into autumn with the weather starting to change and the nights drawing in, I feel it's a good time to reflect on what we can let go of. In the four directions, a ceremony we do in Forrest Yoga, autumn is placed in the West. It's the location of where the sun goes down, where things come to an end and also where death resides. It's the season where the trees shed their leaves and prepare for winter. It's the season of letting go.
 
I've started to read Marie Kondo's book "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying". The author suggests that the first step in tidying is to "discard" and the criteria to choose whether to discard an item or not is: "Does this spark joy?". It's so simple and yet so profound. She says that if an item sparks joy, keep it, if it doesn't, throw it away. One of the ongoing learnings for me is to make my life simpler and I'm very excited and curious about applying this principle to more areas of my life.
 
What is it in your life that you can let go of? What does not spark joy in your life?
 
Tidy in beauty.
Sandra