Last weekend I taught several workshops in Berlin with the theme of "spinning the straw into gold" or how we can use our difficulties for our personal growth. Doing yoga will not make our problems go away, it rather redefines the relationship we have with them. The philosophy is very much: "What is in the way is the way." When we engage with our obstacles in a wakeful manner, we can use them as an opportunity to uncover more layers in our process. Frequently, we just want our issues to go away quickly, so that we can "get on with our lives". However, when we investigate our problems, stay with our difficulties and feel into them more carefully and with an open and curious mind, we can transform and shift on many different levels. We can ask ourselves what is this situation teaching me. What is this problem asking me to let go of? What are the lessons I can learn from this?
People and situations are really there to teach us and difficulties are our allies on our path of spiritual growth.
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After having handed in all my course work for my Body Psychotherapy course last month, I'm about to have my last weekend with my group in Cambridge. I've felt for the last three months that I've been in a state of major transitions where endings are very prevalent. I'm finishing my course after five years of training, I'm ending my relationship as it is now with my psychotherapist whom I've seen for six year and I'm redefining my work. However, I'm not very good with endings and tend to move on to other things very quickly. I normally don't allow myself to feel what happens in that space where I need to let go of something, as I am too busy to plan my next project. Endings can be very painful and often feel uncomfortable. I feel more at home with beginnings and going deeper, but I have a harder time to create space around when courses, projects, relationships, etc. finish. My intent is to stay in feeling during this important period of transition, as I know that being spacious around endings is absolutely vital to live an authentic life and to be able to honestly connect to the people and the environment around me. After five years of training, the final deadline for my body psychotherapy course is the 13th of June where I need to hand in documentation about my training, two case studies and an essay about what creates suffering and what aids healing. I have been thinking a lot about this theme and for me it is the disconnect from ourselves that brings about suffering. When we can't be ourselves and we try to become somebody different, we suffer. In other words when we are not embodying our spirit, problems arise. We often try so hard to be different - look differently, behave differently and ultimately be different. However, we can only be ourselves and if we can be invested more fully in our current situation and wholeheartedly accept and see reality as it is including our faults and mistakes, we can find some peace and balance in our lives. Allow yourself to let go into who you are. In addition to my own personal psychotherapy, I have been going to supervision regularly to have a sounding board for what I am doing professionally and in order to clarify the direction of my work. During my last session my supervisor summarised the core question I am facing: "Is what you do feeding your soul or is it feeding your personality?" I don't think that they are mutually exclusive, but the priority needs to be with feeding the soul rather than the ego. When we are concentrating on bolstering our personality, we are creating more layers of protection to shield us from the outside world, which can be sometimes disappointing and very hurtful. In short, we are creating an image - often also with the aim to compensate for other parts of ourselves that are less integrated. When we focus on feeding our soul we look for the things in our lives that give us more aliveness, more vitality and more connection. We are being creative and look to express who we are rather than whom we think we should be. Maybe next time you are facing a decision, ask yourself: Is this feeding my soul or is this feeding my personality? The beginning of the year is always a time where we make resolutions. We want to change, we want to improve and develop and we want to stop bad habits and introduce healthier ones. Often New Year's resolutions are short-lived and are only effective for a very limited amount of time - if at all. When I was reading an article about change I came to understand that one reason why those resolutions don't work is because we try to become somebody we are not. Instead of being truly who we are and accept our flaws and our beauty, we try our hardest to be somebody else. And herein lies the problem. The following quote summarises what the paradoxical nature of change means: "...change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not. Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take the time and effort to be what he is - to be fully invested in his current situations." (Beisser, A.R. (1972). The Paradoxical Theory of Change, "Gestalt Therapy Now", Penguine Books)
Be who you are and change will come. Happy New Year 2014! As a teacher and therapist my students and clients are some of my most valuable teachers and over the years I have learned a great deal from them. They have asked difficult questions, they have come with interesting injuries, they have gone through testing times and shown enormous bravery, they have stuck to the process even when they seemingly had moved back a step just to then have a breakthrough. I have witnessed incredible transformations emotionally, mentally and physically and have been very touched by the courage, faith and tenacity of the people I have met through Equilibrium. Just recently I have been working with someone exploring "letting go" and what it truly means both as a concept and also an experience. Letting go, or surrendering is something very active and is different from giving up, which is something very passive. Surrender invites us to be present and to be fluid with every moment of our lives and instead of fighting against what is happening we can use most situations life throws us to grow and evolve. We can only learn to swim in the sea, because we cannot control the sea. If we can develop faith in life and let go into what is happening, life will always surpass our expectations. This is a beautiful quote from a little book called "The Yamas & Niyamas" by Deborah Adele: "Like white water rafting, surrender is learning to skillfully ride with what the moment gives us, all the while enjoying the process, whether we glide through safely or tip over and get wet." |
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